I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
