I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
