if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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