Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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