I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
