dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
