just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
