she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
