So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
