he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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