Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
