no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
whose ass print is on the piano?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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