we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
