yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
