So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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