at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
why is half of my head shaved?
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