I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
