also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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