Already got asked if we're dating
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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