I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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