The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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