it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
