We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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