Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
