I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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