You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this boner is exhausting
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
