My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
