there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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