So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
