Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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