i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
