Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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