discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
