So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
