I'm jealous of your bromance
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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