Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just high enough for therapy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
