So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
