I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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