I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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