I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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