if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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