At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
