Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
