is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
