Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
