dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
