she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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