Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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