Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
