Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
