I wish I could teleport
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I party with great urgency now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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