I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
