i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
