i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
