and she was petting her beer can
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
