I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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