she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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