Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
