Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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