Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
