So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I just put wine in my tea
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
