I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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