Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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