I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
