i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Farmville is her only friend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
