If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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