dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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