but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
