Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
