If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
